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Feeling confused/bewildered. None of our friends who I talked to, and including our grown kids would believe me except for a couple of counselors who understood.My husband worked at the United Nations in Vienna, Austria, was highly gifted musically and an upstanding member of the church. The couples in it are just great! On the other hand, people with Aspergers tend to focus on only one activity at a time, and they focus on that activity intensely with little regard for anything else going on around them. If your spouse is saying she has Cassandra syndrome it's possible she's joined some of these groups and her outlook is becoming tainted by them. The REASON for an ASD meltdown is different than the reason for a tantrum, yes And. Whether in unison with Neurodiversity couples counseling or not, having personal guidance and a community that supports you is very beneficial. There has to be reduced sharing of interests and a lack of emotional give-and-take. Can adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder change? In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. 4th of July. If we didnt, hed get angry. In addition, people with SPD typically do not show these features until late adolescence or adulthood. The term takes its name from Cassandra, a character in Greek mythology who was offered the gift of prophecy by Apollo in order to win her affection. When he was anxious hed go into overdrive cleaning and re-organising the house and expect everyone to stop whatever they were doing and help. Women have often been accused by the medical establishment of being melodramatic and exaggerating their physical symptoms. My partner says she has Cassandra Syndrome. What should I do? What is the Cassandra Phenomenon? - Autism Research and Education It's a task that can be puzzling without a neurodiverse lens. Damage to ones self-esteem as a result of disapproval, ridicule, discrimination and rejection is possible when knowledge of an Aspergers diagnosis is disseminated. I am also a Consultant of Cassandra Syndrome. Little or too much detail is included in conversation, and there is difficulty in recognizing when the listener is interested or bored. Cassandra groups | Meetup Faith Support Groups | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness I will answer the question of how accurate a diagnosis is, the confidence one can have in a diagnosis of Aspergers and I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a diagnosis. Cassandra Cowie-Blanger, M.Sc.A RSLP. It is all a matter of confidence, that is, with very few exceptions no one can say that someone else has Aspergers only that one has a certain degree of certainty that a person does have Aspergers. Another friend had polio, lost the use of a leg as my grandmother did, and wound up in a wheelchair her whole life, on disability, because that's what they espoused where she was from. The communication gap between autistic and allistic people isnt anyones fault, so stop trying to put the blame on autistic people. To diagnosis and adult with Aspergers requires that the person have: What happens if someone has some of these difficulties but not all? Join or Log Into Facebook. Her family members don't understand what she's troubled by. Complete . Stress, trauma and repressed emotions have made many of these ladies feel as if they are losing their mind and they have definitely lost a part of themselves. To ask a question or schedule an appointment, please call 415-922-1122. Freakier still is that, several years ago, without yet suspecting my husband was on the spectrum (despite the fact that his father was textbook, and not very high functioning [ended up homeless and then in assisted living for nearly three decades], and every sibling also displays strong traits), and without ever having heard of this phenomenon, I voiced several times that I "felt like Cassandra from the Oresteia." His world is black and white, except when it comes to his own behavior. When I assess someone for Aspergers I ask to meet face-to-face for three meetings. Feelings of anger/depression. I feel an unbearable loneliness, which I dont believe I deserve. The impact on being around one is actually worse. As an inter-generational PTSD sufferer myself (my mother had her own PTSD on top of NPD/borderline), I thought I understood the world. Support for their point of view is also difficult to come by but Cassandra Syndrome Counseling helps the client and family. Cassandra Syndrome describes a woman who tries to tell others about her life with an autistic partner and is not believed. Kathy Marshack has several books for Neurotypicals in Neurodiverse relationships. He does not have any friends but, you would not think that by looking at his FB page. It is commonly assumed that Aspergers makes someone too difficult to be around, unable to get along with people, too narrowly focused on their own interests, and too stubborn, self-absorbed and lacking in empathy to be a contributing member of society, a view that is narrow in its own right and sadly mistaken in many cases. Cassandra Support Group (Asperger's Syndrome) Join group About this group This group is dedicated to supporting women who are (or have been) with partners who either have Asperger's Syndrome or who you strongly believe See more Private Only members can see who's in the group and what they post. They often dont come up while sitting in an office speaking to a professional and because the person is not aware of their presence its unlikely that person would volunteer how hard it is to understand them. Our groups are facilitated by Lisa Anzuldua, one of our caring team members. Tapping into your innate Wisdom to answer your most difficult questions about the relationship. Narrow, repetitive behaviors and interests. His mom is his only friend, confidant and enabler. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. When a couple arrives at couples counseling, the NT partner may be feeling overwhelmed and distressed by the relationship. Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. How can you find out if you have Autism Spectrum Disorder? Other people, once they are aware that the person has Aspergers are often able to be more accepting and supportive. The Center's philosophy is based on an integrated approach to symptom management. I first determine whether it makes reasonable sense to undertake an assessment of Aspergers. Private As an adult I suspect this is what my mom has. there was never any asking or awareness that we may be doing something else. In some cases, the NT wife has been emotionally deprived for so long that its to the point now where there are mental and physical ramifications. There is no awareness of how this constant nagging, critisising and commentary makes a person feel inside. This blog, however, isnt one of them. This term continues to be used in both professional circles (Margot Alexis recently presented Healing from Cassandra Syndrome at the Neurodiverse Love Conference in March 2023). It occurs to the person that these intrusive thoughts are the produce of his or her own mind but they cant be stopped. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. He has never been in trouble with the law, is reliable and honest. Or they may prefer a certain type of sensation and, a certain type of music, for example, and seek it over and over. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. Do better with the victim blaming. Hey Nora! Some people spend hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings in order to reduce their fear that germs, dirt or chemicals will infect them. Living with a neurodivergent partner without support creates intense internal conflict. Are there any good articles or websites for children of parents with aspergers? I think that in this situation, his willingness to work on the problem (which he does experience as a problem, here and elsewhere) is just not developed yet. I lived the most wonderfully hurtful life possible being the mother. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. The lack of partnership; easy communication and calm discussion was impossible. He refused to get help, refused to acknowledge he may be ASD and have OCD (despite our son being diagnosed with ASD) and refused to talk about anything I was just accused of critisising him. How would you know? Hes unable to make obvious inferences in a conversation, instead insisting that others are not being clear. Cassandra Syndrome - Zen Mind (partner's/ex of a man with - Facebook -Dr. K, How do I find a therapist that will work through my trauma with me, from this relationship (25 years)? The dominate fear associated with social situations is of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. She was married to an Asperger's man. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. Cassandra Syndrome - Zen Mind (partner's/ex of a man with - Facebook They find it hard to interpret the meanings of facial expressions and body posture, and they have particular difficulty understanding how people express their emotions. So, I divorced after 33 years and 6 children. $100 per session/pay per session. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. They are consistently and extremely irresponsible financially, in their employment, and with regard to their own safety and the safety of others. Before coming to this group, I was depressed to the point where I was wearing sweatshirts and pajama pants daily. Diagnoses are most valid and accurate when they are based on multiple sources of information. I was surviving. She's in an ongoing traumatic relationship syndrome. These behaviors, to repeat the same action over and over, are similar to the repetitive routines associated with Aspergers. Support groups should not encourage demonizing male partners based on their gender. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. And their history with the mental health establishment and labeling with inappropriate mental disorders is legendary. He cant cope with any plans being changed, has to organise and control everything and no statement or question can be made without there being the Spanish inquisition into it. I appreciated the chance to share my story a little bit during the Skype group video format class time. It is well and good to practice responses and being prepared, but if I am just sitting with him at breakfast and suddenly, his inability to read a timetable so he can figure out whether he's going somewhere tomorrow triggers a meltdown, it's 0 to 60 in less than a minute, without warning. Plan and facilitate client education and support groups. no partnership, no communication, no affection, no love at all. Up until this point, I didn't even have the vocabulary to describe any of this, and all of that has changed after having read this article. Parent Group: Down Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder. Dealing with people suffering from AS can be challenging, which is why having the right source of information is necessary.. While this may strike some as similar to Aspergers people with SPD can interact with others normally, if they want to, and can get along with people. The second meeting focuses on the persons background, particularly information about the persons early family life; previous school experiences; past friendships, employment and intimate relationships; childhood emotional development and functioning, and significant interests throughout the persons life. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. . So, the support will be ongoing throughout the week, not just one hour per week. This is an excellent overview for both the clinical reader and for parents. What my clients learn is that this difference in how their brains function is wired from birth. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. They were left more hopeless and helpless and blaming, and mutual accusations escalated. support groups programs in Westminster, md | findhelp.org Im not promoting separation or divorce, but I will be promoting ways for you to begin taking care of YOU. Check out AANE.org for a list of qualified therapists. This is truly mind-boggling. Im glad you found this article helpful! Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. I did everything I could to save this marriage; counseling, pastors, psychologists, prayer and a very strong religious/ moral orientation. I hope you are able to learn from your ignorance and not spread misinformation like this in the future. Click below to ask a question or schedule an appointment. But the nice thing about this group is that the ladies can support one another in between our sessions on Skype. However, these are two separate issues, and both are true. Are there disadvantages to a diagnosis of Aspergers? Both believe that. Has anyone, AS or NT had experience with cassandra syndrome? Long-term the woman can develop frustration, poor self-esteem, rage, anxiety or depression. Cassandra Buehner - Clinical Manager - Two Chairs | LinkedIn Most of the couples I work with have seen one or more therapists who lack training in neurodiversity, particularly combined with science-based couples therapy training. I really dont understand this idea that women cant be autistic. Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. When she backed out of a deal that she'd made with Greek God Apollo, he was angry. Maxine Ashton describes the symptons as: Low self esteem. Being confronted with the censorship of objective feedback and commentary, I felt compelled to seek out other parties to address the issue at hand. . I have more energy to initiate and complete tasks, something that was too hard before. Required fields are marked *. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. But there is also the Cassandra Syndrome or Cassandra affective Disorder (CAD) which is a series of symtpoms that are commonly felt by the N/T person in an Aspergers relationship. He thinks that if he learns about Catholicism or the system of roads, that will solve the problem (I am not being sarcastic). I NEED HELP!!! For people who suspect they have Autism Spectrum Disorder and want a professional evaluation, I provide a comprehensive assessment of these conditions. Accommodations can be requested and a rationale can be provided based on a known diagnosis. The topics discussed include the following: Establishing emotional safety within a group, or some other container to establish a sense of belonging and be validated. I run a Cassandra Syndrome support group and give talks and advice to groups and professionals. Cost: While it was named after a mythical woman, it is not restricted to wives in neurodiverse marriages, but can happen with either gender. I need the best doctor at dealing with neurodeverse relationships involving autism/alexithymia and cassandra syndromeas near to Memphis as possible. It can eliminate the worry that a person is severely mentally ill. The Cassandra Syndrome was coined to describe the difficulty NT partners experience when trying to get acceptance and understanding from their neurodiverse partners, relatives, and therapists. Thank you, We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. Name last changed on February 14, 2022. The list of symptoms that sometimes occur with someone in a close relationship with an Autism Spectrum Disorder adult is too long to describe in this article, but several reactions are notable. Just call me Cassandra! Of course, it is possible that people in someones life will react to the diagnosis of Aspergers by alienating themselves from that person. Someone with Aspergers is socially awkward, cannot read or use body language or facial expressions well, have difficulty making eye contact, cannot understand sarcasm and jokes, tend to take things literally, may display socially inappropriate behavior without realizing it, have obsessive interests and may have problems with sensory issues. One wife described her husband as follows: Hes incapable of seeing another persons point of view. One of the critical misconceptions about neurodiversity is that neuroatypicals lack "empathy." After promising to be his lover in return, Cassandra later went back on her promise, and the enraged Apollo cast a curse on her that while she could see the future accurately no one would believe her prophecies. Ambivalence, confusion, and turmoil are common problems for . I have ONLY seen Cassandra syndrome talked about in literal hate groups. They tend to react passively to difficult circumstances, as if they are directionless and are drifting along in life. I have watched a lot of hostile comments to my post: Neurodivergents and Love: Five Good Reasons to Embrace Neurodiversity. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Relationships, Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Treatment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Real and serious problems emerge when the NT assumes someone is intentionally being this way, instead of developing a greater understanding. I am so grateful that I came across this group on Facebook and went through the program. Check out AANE.org for more information, and especially their course for couples in Neuro-diverse relationships. Provide individual, child and family counseling to clients. Strange fixations about how the house should be arranged all the furniture lined up against one wall, or all the appliances in the kitchen crammed onto one counter, because it "looks better that way". When someone with Bipolar Disorder is in a manic state or depressed they may not interact socially as they might if they were feeling normal, they might be withdrawn, lack much emotional response to situations in their life and lose interest in relationships but the changes in their emotional condition is much different than people with Aspergers. I feel very comfortable with dating or being in social situations with others. So no mention then, of similar distress experienced by a neurotypical man married to a neurodiverse woman ? I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused. If the neurodiverse relationship isnt recognized, and both partners dont get on the same page to try to relate differently to one another, they arent likely to make as much progress as they otherwise would. Instead, they blame victims of their aggression, irresponsibility and exploitation. It's used to describe the cluster of symptoms that result from a lack of emotional connection with a partner on the autism spectrum. Donate. I been through it all. Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. *Also*in this regard, it is hard to separate strands of ASD from strands of regular human resistance to growing closer; for instance, my partner had early experiences that impacted his attachment style. And clearly there is not a person at fault here, only unintended consequences and lack of understanding. This article speaks to neurotypical women however. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. Knowing someone has Aspergers opens up avenues to resources for help as well as access to programs to improve social inclusion and emotional management. He may be a wealthy and successful husband, calm, rational and articulate. Upon reading more about it I realise that this is me over the last year, emotions amplified and heightened by the lockdown. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? They can appear charming and talk with superficial ease, attempting to impress others and appear experts on numerous topics. It can be exciting to consider how ones life can change for the better knowing what one is dealing with. Drop-In Support Groups - Counseling & Psychological Services | CSUF The mission of the Down Syndrome Resource Foundation is to support people living with Down syndrome and their families with individualized and leading-edge educational programs, health services, information . I find it easy to read between the lines when someone is talking to me. When I love you, I will want to understand how it impacts you. While often gendered, its actually quite possible for either sex. The easiest way to understand Cassandra Syndrome is to relate it to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). These women and I still log onto a group video call weekly, and we listen and offer encouragement to each other. Going on 4 years with a resistant, undiagnosed man, and doing the best I can to navigate/survive/thrive without any support. Maxine Aston's Cassandra cult blames any relationship issues on allegedly undiagnosed autistic males. See more Do you have questions youd like to ask an expert in adult Autism? Many times, if he is an older man who has mild autism spectrum disorder, he would have been diagnosed. SAD is caused by sunlight deprivation, which will cause a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. It will help you clarify your present relationship dynamics, overcome hurts concerning attachments in early life and with your current relationship, and align your heart and brain toward constructive decisions and actions. It was my sickness, not censorship, R.D., that caused my delay in responding to you until now. I had no energy. One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. The boys still cant eat a meal without comments being made about the way theyre eating. Who cares, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Financial aid is easily available at the time of registration for support groups with a fee. What If Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder Is A Social Learning Difference? After you register, please email me [[email protected]] so I can send you the Skype link. Thank you for the request, someone from our team will send you more information via email shortly. History I want to find out about the persons significant relationships, whether they are friends, work colleagues, spouse or partner, children or anyone else with whom the person interacts regularly. Most require the respondent to indicate whether he or she agrees with a statement related to Aspergers. A lot of it was hard because it challenged me to face my negative emotions surrounding my husband being on the autism spectrum. But the nice thing about this group is that the ladies can support one another in between our sessions on Skype. In contrast, there sits the NA husband, calm, rational, often intelligent, and successful in their career. I joined a Facebook group with an innocent enough name, wanting to learn more about my husbands perspective as an NT. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. Price: $200 for 8 sessions. These questions help me assess whether the persons attitudes towards life, conduct in relationships, and general success in achieving life goals reveal any of the characteristics that typically are found in people with Aspergers. Just complete our Contact Form to get started. The improvement in their marriages will come only from each person changing. An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems.